Every year near the midpoint of November it starts to stir from its 11 month slumber. At first it is just a whisper, a single blip on the perpetual radar. After the leftover turkey has been tossed aside into the fridge and the Black Friday shoppers stop mauling each other over discounted electronics, though, it awakens to its true power, violently assaulting the consciousness of all who exist. What I am referring to, of course, is Christmas music.
Christmas music is adored and beloved by many during the holiday season. How else can anyone explain why it is blasted through the radio, every major shopping center and throughout advertisements? I, on the other, hate Christmas music. This makes it very annoying when I go anywhere during the holidays. Here are a few reasons that I have beef with Holiday tunes.

1. It’s repetitive

Every year all I hear is the same songs over and over. I don’t understand how people can just listen to these songs that haven’t changed for years and years and not get tired of them. I would rather jump off a bridge than hear another crappy rendition of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

2. Artists cash in by making awful Christmas albums

Quick! What do Justin Bieber, Mariah Carey and Michael Buble all have in common? If you answered released rushed, terrible Christmas albums that made them mountains of cash, you would be correct. I would not have a problem with this if it they would put some kind of interesting twist on these Christmas songs. Instead, though, all they do is release more indistinguishable smog in the cloud of toxins that is the extended Christmas music catalog offers.

3. YOU CANT ESCAPE IT

I know I have already covered this, but this stuff is ridiculous. Internet ads, TV advertisements and Christmas specials are just the tip of the iceberg. The only way a person could escape is to lock themselves in their house with no contact to the outside world, and even then carolers will hunt their address down and harass them outside their very own door. Resistance is futile. All will be assimilated into the Christmas spirit through songs of joy. No one will escape. I repeat, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.