Christmas decorations in October

There are so many big issues in the world that often times people overlook the smaller ones. With all the politics and bombings, no one seems to talk about the issue facing us at this very moment. Every single citizen of this country is afflicted by it and nothing is being done about it! Of course, I am speaking of all of the Christmas decorations in October!

Christmas decorations are already in all of the stores across the country. We still have two months before we even make it to December, yet shelf space is being used for Christmas decorations. Halloween and Thanksgiving are still in our path, yet as a country, we are already preparing for Christmas.

The argument could be made that these items are just available to help people prepare for the great snowy holiday, but everyone already has a ton of decorations, half of which probably have not seen the light of day in years.

I propose that the sale of Christmas items should be completely banned before both the Spooky Scary Skeleton and Great Turkey of Feasting have had their turn to be shown love. It is unfair to them and the public, who are forced to share other holiday spirit with that of Christmas. Anyone found distributing such contraband shall be made to endure the beautiful serenade of Tim Burton’s “This is Halloween.” It is the only punishment appropriate for such scum.

NOTE: This is a work of satire and not meant to be taken literally.