Photo Credit: Art By Jasmine Bezotte
Senior Shares Advice On Long Distance Relationships
When it comes to actually discussing long distance relationships and what comes with them, most people only have knowledge of surface level things or believe things based on preconceptions and stereotypes. I have first hand experience being in a long distance relationship for two years, and learned there is a lot more to it than what most people think.
It is also a lot more serious than most people think. Whenever people found out I was in a long-distance relationship they immediately said, “ Oh my gosh I could never,” “I bet he is talking to other girls behind your back,” “It probably won’t work out,” “There is no way it is real if you barely see each other” or things along those lines. Although I understand where most of them come from, it was hurtful that there was an automatic negative light shone on my relationship.
Going back to the questions or statements commonly brought up, yes, there is always a possibility your long distance partner will do things behind your back or cheat because there is ultimately no way for you to actually know what they are doing, but that is why you have to actually build trust. Yes, it is harder to build a trusting relationship with someone that you can’t be around and you can’t learn their in-person quirks and actions, but it is not impossible. This leads to another big thing, communication is key.
Some advice I have is, you need to communicate with your partner and discuss things daily about your lives and who you are. You can build trust better that way. Without well thought out communication, your relationship will be impossible. Communicating solely through social media or text messages will lead to a high chance of miscommunication and misunderstanding of what was said or the tone being put across. Especially in times of argument, you must make time to actually pick up the phone and call or Facetime. Even though you can’t actually see that person in real life, it gives you a much better chance to understand what they are trying to say, how they are thinking and feeling in the moment and gives you a better chance to get what you want across as well. It will give you both at least a little bit of a sense of each other’s body language. Bad days will be worse in a long distance relationship than a regular one so you really have to go out of your way and value resolving it more.
Keeping your person updated with your life will also help communication and trust. Whether that be flat out telling them what you have done in a text, calling them to tell them, facetiming to include them or sending them pictures throughout the day to give them a sense of what is going on. Do whatever you can to make your significant other feel valued.
You lose the chance to consistently do things together and get things for your significant other so it is good to find a way to make them feel appreciated from where you are at. This can range as far as just sending texts to reassure them, to playing an online game they enjoy with them, to watching movies over the phone together, to sending them things that remind you of them or to even mailing them gifts if you are able. There is a lot of room to work in that area but once you find out how you each work, it will definitely help to giveyour relationship more depth.
Something else that is probably the most difficult for some, but important, is to make sure you can see your significant other in person as much as possible or at least make sure one day in the future that it is a plan. Because if it is not, then you sadly have no hope for a real relationship. It is important to see them in person because that is how you build a true relationship. You learn more about their appearance, about how they carry themselves, how they act in certain situations, how they act towards you and much more. It makes everything feel more real and it certainly feels better to see your person in real life than through a glitchy screen.
There is much more to long distance relationships than I have mentioned, but my best advice is to at least have valued communication, make time to facetime and/or call as much as possible, do things for your person that show they are important in your life, never take the time you have together for granted and make sure to see each other as much as possible or at least make sure that the distance between you is not a forever thing.